Let’s rip apart bad fiction, shall we? Part: the final

Aaaaaand this is it!  Enjoy the last, awkward, badly written, part of this wonderfully awful fiction story.

————————————

“No, no my dear boy,” murmured the chuckling administrator, wagging a disapproving finger at him. “In a moment, I’m the one who will be doing the fucking, as you so eloquently stated it.

That comeback only works just after the person has said it.  Here it just sounds like Gunter fucked up his quip and now looks stupid.

Though, I refuse to touch you until you do as you’re told.”

Uhm, *raises hand*  Isn’t that a good thing?  Weren’t you just running from him?  AM I THE ONLY SANE ONE IN THE ROOM?!

computersmash

“Bas…”

“If you like,” Lord Maximus interrupted his voice sterner. “You may consider this a test … a test of your obedience to me.”

That’s a test I’d be more than happy to fail.

Dante stood there fumingly, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists next to his sides.

“My patience is wearing thin, darling,” the regent softly uttered. “I suggest you entertain me, before I grow weary of your waywardness once again and march you back downstairs to chain you up and leave you unsatisfied in the bedchamber. You wouldn’t care for that too much, I think?”

At least he’d still have his pride.

Grumbling under his breath, Dante ferociously ripped his white chemise from his well-musculatured

That’s not a word and more Mary Sue descriptions.  He’s just so perfectly perfect!  Why, thin hips, beautiful hair, violet eyes, muscled legs and a torso?  My, my, you supermodel, you!

torso and threw it at the smiling man, who easily caught it and then kicked off his pants as he spat, “Now you know why I’ll never feel anything but loathing for you! How could I ever love you when you derive enjoyment from humiliating me?”

Well, it might have something to do with the fact that you don’t seem to follow through on the whole DO NOT WANT thing.  Make up your fuckin’ mind.

“You’ve already forgotten that this is not an exercise in humiliation, but in humility. Now kneel,” Gunter icily insisted, pointing to the vacuous space directly in front of him.

Gifting the man with a nefarious glare, Dante moved up to the space to fall to his knees, and then cautiously brought his right hand forward to encompass his throbbing maleness,

I…no, not even gonna tough that one. Fuck this shit.

blushing as the tiniest of moans escaped his lips.

“No Dante,” Gunter softly chastised. “Before you begin, widen your thighs so I can see all of you.”

To help ease the horridness of this scene, imagine Gunter with a handlebar mustache, a top hat and a monocle, rubbing his hands together maniacally and talking in a hilarious British accent.

The youth snarled a superfluity of quiet curses

A what in the who now?

but did as he was told, allowing his legs to fall further apart, so far in fact that his scrotum

Veeeeeery sexy, thar.

barely dangled over the coolness of the stone floor, and then crossed his feet behind him for balance.

“Very good, love. Now you may begin.”

Scowling, Dante started to move his hand, his fist easily gliding along his turgid

I doubt you’d want your phallus to be turgid.  That would mean it’s swollen to the point of distention.  Eeeeew.  Also, it means to be self-important.  Huh, a penis that is full of itself.  *writes down*

shaft due to the sticky substance steadily leaking from the tip.

As a beatific smile adorned his lips,

Or you could just say ‘he smiled’.  Save us a lot of time and teeth grinding.

Gunter unblinkingly watched him pleasure himself, his eyes gleaming with lust, his heart blossoming with love.

“Pedophilic voyeurism is sooooo romantic.”

“Go slower, my precious,”

Golem?

he whispered, his hand moving to the front of his trousers to massage his imprisoned erection.

His penis was incarcerated for identity theft and embezzlement.

“You’re not allowed to ejaculate until I give you permission.”

Closing his eyes so he wouldn’t be forced to watch the man grope himself, Dante’s movements slowed but his breathing increased and his back flexed so he could shove his hips into his own grip. “God!” he hissed, his head lulling back to expose the tender flesh of his throat.

Panting heavily, Lord Maximus was unable to tear his gaze from the boy. He was entranced by the translucent beads of perspiration gliding down his heaving chest,

Edward in the sunlight was shocking.  I couldn’t get used to it, though I’d been staring at him all afternoon.  His skin, white despite the faint flush from yesterday’s hunting trip, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface.  He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare.  His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn’t sleep.  A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.

the graceful movements of his strong hand stroking that beautifully thick organ,

How can anything that looks like a worm in a turtleneck, look beautiful?

the elegant curve of his scrumptiously honey-hued neck, and of course the tiny erogenous noises wafting from deep within the youth’s throat. The scene was entirely too erotic for him to bear … it was time to claim him! “That’s enough,” he declared, hastily standing from the chair to seize Dante’s stroking hand and pull it from his erection.

“Wha … What the hell did ya’ do that for?” snapped the boy, as he was being swept off the floor and speedily guided over to a large chaise lounger, his unsatisfied arousal bobbing and swaying with every movement.

And the award for most unnecessary description of something so anti-sexy that I had to laugh out loud after reading it goes to: “his unsatisfied arousal bobbing and swaying with every movement”.

“Sit on the edge and place your hands on your thighs, and don’t you dare touch that lovely cock of yours again.” Gunter throatily commanded his voice thick with lust.

So we’ve gone from sex, to maleness, to arousal, to shaft and finally to cock.  Next on the list is love salami and thick rod of man meat.

For the sole reason he was curious as to learn of the man’s intentions,

Does he just go into bouts of ‘retarded’ randomly?  Boy, he gonna rape ya.  His intentions haven’t changed in the last two pages, you dumb fuck.

Dante complied and riveted his violet eyes on the administrator.

I know his eyes are violet.  You said that like, five times already.

He lightly simpered as Gunter fumbled and grumbled at the various clasps on his white cloak and robes, and humorously snorted when he had difficulties with peeling off his equally pristine white tunic and pants to reveal a pair of slightly wet undergarments, which barely contained his achingly aroused sex.

We’re back to sex?  Are we going to loop?

“I’m glad you find this so amusing,” whispered the annoyed regent, releasing a sigh of relief when he freed his massive organ.

The seme must always have a MASSIVE PENIS.  Never mind the fact that anyone with experience will tell you that six is plenty.

He carelessly discarded his ruined underpants to the side before dropping to his knees in front of the boy. “Let’s see if this amuses you, shall we?”

Oh God.  I think I know what’s coming.  Run for your sanity while you have to chance!

Strong hands seized Dante’s knees and authoritatively spread his legs further apart, and then Lord Maximus leaned forward to inhale a lungful of the boy’s delectably, musky scent. “My goodness, you’re such an exotic dish,” remarked the man.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

A tiny growl from above alerted him to the fact that he was dallying, so he offered the youth a sinful grin and latched gazes with him as his tongue darted forth to lick up Dante’s swollen shaft, causing the boy to whimper.

I think we are looping.  We’re back to shaft.

Beaming with confidence, he slowly wrapped his lips around his phallus and his keen ears captured a flattering moan, which was unsuccessfully repressed by the seditious youngster.

ADULT.

“Not so sassy anymore, are we?”

“Suck me.”

Knowing that wasn’t a derogatory remark, but a request, Lord Maximus’ pink tongue flitted out to slide against the smooth, warm surface of the youth’s maleness again,

Ha…hi again, maleness.  You know, in all my years of YAOI fiction, I’ve never read that word once.

leaving trails of wetness along the length of it and tipping his head back faintly, to keep his hooded eyes riveted onto the violet spheres

Pet peeve here.  I fucking hate it when people call eyes ‘spheres’ or ‘orbs’.

of the boy, humming quietly around his phallus.

Lord Maximus’ nostrils flared as Dante presented him with a beautiful cry of pleasure and his body tightened, his back arching in a lovely display of impassioned eroticism.

Seriously, it’s like all the stuff is there for a porno scene, but this stuffy British guy is narrating it.

The administrator thrusted

Again!?  Don’t you have spellcheck?

his entire focus into pleasuring him, engulfing the youth’s shaft in his moist cavern to the foundation,

Purple speak for: he took the whole cock into his mouth.

and then suckling unremittingly allowing his throat to massage him.

Worst blowjob ever

Worst blowjob ever


“God … fuck!” Dante cried steadying himself by planting his hands behind him on the lounger and then widening his thighs to grant the man better access.

Gunter bobbed his head expertly between the youth’s legs for a few moments before expelling his member to elevate it and taste of his testicles, nipping them delicately with his teeth and tugging on the soft flesh with his lips before engulfing them to suck.

So many things wrong with that sentence.  Can anyone tell me what’s sexy about testicles?  They’re wrinkly balls in a hairy sack.  Whoopdeedoo.

“Ohhh shit…” the boy moaned, clutching onto the lounger even tighter.

“Your body responses

Responds

so beautifully to me,” he huskily commented, lapping to the beautiful twin orbs.

facepalm businessman

Words.  There are not enough words in the English language to describe how that statement makes me feel.

Dante’s hips were now flexing forward of their own accord, and when the administrator’s mouth pulled off of him he hissed angrily, reluctant to lose the wet heat around his hungry flesh. “Don’t you dare stop!”

The regent grinned madly as he pressed a solid hand to his thigh, trying to hide his excitement as he watched the boy writhe and moan before him. “What is this? Is someone having a difficult time maintaining his position of rebellion?”

“Damn it! Put your mouth on me again?!”

That sounds pretty funny in my head when I read it as a question.  I want a blowjob?!

“I will, when you ask me nicely.”

“Pleeeeeaaaase let me go?”

“Not that question.”

“Aw…”

Dante ground his teeth together and dug his nails into the soft fabric of the lounger, as the man vainly smiled up at him, evidently delighted to see his body slowly succumb to the sea of pure delights.

“I’m waiting, precious.” Gunter murmured, giving his throbbing organ a few teasing licks on the crown.

Penis wearing a crown.

Defenses crumbling, Dante swallowed his pride and closed his eyes to whisper, “Pl-please … please suck me.”

“You’re truly a treasure,” whispered the triumphant Gunter, smirking as he plunged his mouth onto the youngster’s dripping wet sex again, moaning as Dante cried out in ecstasy.

Alright, I’m done.  Show’s over folks.  This is just waaaay too crappy for me.  Damn it, there’s still more!

The youth painfully bit down on his bottom lip and erratically thrusted

THRUSTED IS NOT A WORD.

his hips forward until he felt his release burst forth in a white, hot flash. He arched his back in a beautiful display of innocent rapture, while he keened the softest sounds of orgasmic bliss.

*holds a megaphone* Note to all virgins, this is not what orgasm looks like.

Gunter feverishly suckled on the gradually wilting flesh,

So many badmazing lines here.  I just imagine him nomming on some zombies arm stump.

as it exuded its delectable flavor,

Another thing I never got.  Semen tastes nasty.

and only when there was not a drop left did he allow Dante’s organ to slip from his oral cavity.

Do mouths scare you that much?  Just call it what it is.  A leaf is a leaf, a cigar is a cigar and a mouth is a mouth.  It is not an oral cavity, a wet orifice, a tight heat or a dripping maw.  It is a god damned mouth with teeth, a tongue and salivary glands.

“Scrumptious,” he murmured, supplely kissing and nipping at the tiny nest of black curls which lay directly above the youth’s softening manhood.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew pubic hair.  So far, nothing about this has been sexy.

Breathing arduously, Dante fell to his elbows and shivered as he felt delicate fingers skim up his chest to play with his nipples’ aureoles, pinching the soft flesh, and causing him to moan, before the hand fluttered down again to delineate his humanity.

He what himself? That has got to be the most roundabout way to describe masturbation in the history of history.  It also ruins a pretty kickass turn of phrase.  When one delineates their humanity, it means they are coming to terms with it.

Lord Maximus eventually lifted his head from the youth’s crotch to gaze up him in admiration, only to seize his chin and force his gaze when the boy’s eyes darted away from him. The imp’s dark brows knitted sharply, exhibiting an expression which teetered between rebellion, fright and anger – a stare that almost brought an instant orgasm to the overly aroused administrator.

jizzed

“Do you know that every time I gaze upon your beauty that I nearly climax?”

That must be tough to deal with.

“Then why don’t ya’ stop lookin’ at me all the time, ya’ dirty bastard,” Dante mumbled.

“Now is that anyway to speak to me after I offered you such pleasure?”

“Just… Just let me go!!”

“I came, I saw…I er, came.  Now I wanna go home.”

“I’m afraid that’s not only impossible, but improbable.

Wait, so it’s never going to happen and not likely to happen?

psyduck

In other words, it will never happen.”

I think we covered that, already there, chief.

Gunter leaned forward to nip at the youth’s lips lewdly, encouraging him to open his mouth and when he did Lord Maximus stole the opportunity to fully kiss him, probing his mouth with his tongue.

OM NOM HAR GARBLE BLAEGH

It took a moment, but ultimately Dante hungrily returned the man’s kiss, sucking at the sinful taste of the administrator’s slick tongue and his own fluids. He fed eagerly,

He fed?  He fed on his own semen?  UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

moaning helplessly at how pleasurable it was to merely be kissed by the man and he hated himself for it.

When they parted they were both breathless and left to gaze at each other through half-lidded eyes. “You know what comes next, don’t you?” Lord Maximus gutturally inquired, his creamy voice purring as a long finger found its way under the boy to caress his intimate opening.

“But I poop from there.”

“No — no matter how many times ya’ do this to me, I will never truly be yours.”

“Oh really?” retaliated Gunter, raising a challenging brow. “Well, I believe I’ll contest your bold declaration. You’re mine, all of you. All mine.”

“Never!!”

“Ya huh.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Ya huh”

“Nuh uh.”

“Yes, you are,” Gunter dangerously whispered, all playfulness gone in his voice, as his sapphire eyes latched onto the boy’s and his full lips drew into a strict line. “You are mine and mine alone, here to fulfill all of my desires and love me as I love you.”

Because orgasm = love

“Fuck you!”

As his strong fingers dug into the boy’s thighs, inciting Dante to grimace, Lord Maximus heatedly uttered, “I suppose it’s only fitting that such a feral creature possess a disobedient tongue. Turn over onto your belly.” The youth glared at the regent spitefully, this only serving to amuse the much stronger man. “Your will is strong, but it is not unbreakable. If need be, I will punish you again for noncompliance and then have my way with you or you can simply move onto your belly and avoid any additional discipline. Either way, I will have you.”

And now he’s back to being defiant?  Look, I get that men think with their peens, but they’re not stupid creatures who only come to their senses after orgasm.  Jeez, give them some credit.

Drawing from past experiences, Dante realized the man’s threats to be genuine and narrowed his eyes as he whispered through clenched teeth, “I hate you.”

“A minor detail in which we shall eventually overcome. Now, turn over onto your tummy.” The administrator actually simpered as the youth growled at him and slowly rotated onto his stomach, offering the boy his assistance by spreading Dante’s legs so far apart that they rested on either side of the lounger. “Mmm…” he softly purred resting a hand on the soft curve of the boy’s reddened derriere

AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAIIIII can’t believe you honestly used that word.

and then tracing a digit along his crevice, applying a bit of pressure against his sphincter. “…how inviting.”

wth

“Bastard.”

Chuckling, the man leaned forward to sigh against the enticing flesh, and then darted his tongue out to slowly lave against the boy’s tender entrance, acquiring a soft, barely suppressed moan from Dante. “Do you enjoy this?” His tongue slid against the puckered opening antagonizingly

I think the word you want is ‘agonizingly’.  Also, these words are golden.  Man, just read that sentence again.  See how he ‘laves’ the ‘tender entrance’?  See how he has such ‘enticing flesh’?  Good God.

slow, toying with the moist muscle at first, before lapping at the silky skin between his testicles and entrance.

I just lost my boner.

“F-fuck…” Dante whined.

“I told you in a moment, dear. I need to prepare you first.” Lord Maximus said with a smile, spreading the youth’s globes

AGH, it’s come back to haunt me!

as far apart as possible to pant open-mouthed against his anus, teasing the puckered opening with his warm breath, before sliding his tongue inside to taste of the slippery membrane.

kyon

Okay, that’s enough.  I’m a kinky bird and yaoi veteran who hangs out on 4chan and this description of a kid’s anal muscle is a bit much for me.  I mean, did the author really think that ‘slippery membrane’ sounded sexy?

“Nnngghh…” Dante moaned, arching his back and grasping onto the sides of the lounger tightly, deliberating over the fact that he wished for nothing more than to gain his independence from this man, be free of him once and for all, and yet at this precise moment he knew he couldn’t live without him.

This right here is why I can’t stand N/C in the yaoi fandom.

As he tasted of the delightfully pliant young man with his tongue, the achingly hard Gunter’s excitement

What the fuck?

grew exponentially until finally he was incapable of abstaining from his conquest any longer and hastily stood to set his organ at the youth’s welcoming entrance, and then as gently as possible he pushed inside, inch by inch, intent on keeping his pain to a minimum.

Dear Yaoi fangirls,

Buttsecks without lubricant hurts a fucking lot.  Water based is the best kind.  Go with KY brand.

Sincerely,
Sniffits

P.S. Saliva doesn’t count, you dweebs.

Halfway inside, he moaned softly and leaned forward to lay his cheek against the boy’s right shoulder, smiling when he heard his moan reverberating from below.

“Gunter mistook the stifled shriek of pain as a moan as the boy beneath him bit his lip until it bled.  Dante wished for an expedient death as the fleshy sword continued to skewer him.  His only thought was ‘OW FUCKING OW’ as the regent continued.”

Then, quite suddenly, the boy shifted, shoving himself back to envelope Gunter completely within him, surprising the silver-haired man.

He would be a silver haired seme, wouldn’t he.  *underbreath* Big fucking surprise.

“D — Dante!” he bleated,

Like a lamb!?

whimpering as the youth’s warm interior tightened around his throbbing phallus, trying to regain a portion of his control before starting to slowly grind his hips against Dante’s backside, eliciting another moan from the youth.

At first, his movements were tender and silky, thrusting into the youngster with an increasingly delicate speed, echoing Dante’s groans with his own, violating the black-haired imp in a way he adored.

My hand is going to go through my face at the sheer rate of facepalms.

“God! How I enjoy your enthusiastic obedience,” whispered Lord Maximus, rising up to obtain better leverage before beginning to pound into him.

“G-Gunter…” Dante mewled, pushing his hips back while the administrator thrusted deep into his opening. The raven-haired male’s head arched back and he moaned in delight, gasping as Lord Maximus thrusted

smile glare

hard into him, his shaft rubbing that sweet target inside of him and causing his body to shudder with ecstasy.

“This is pure heaven,” the regent purred, his voice thick with the raw emotion of a love he believed would someday be reciprocated.

You know what works well for that?  Oh, flowers and chocolates and respect and personal space and calling on the phone and poetry and dinners by candlelight and not being a rapist and just about everything you’re NOT doing right now.

Ever the obstinate creature, Dante moaned as he violently shook his head in negation, refusing to ever admit that the administrator was nothing more than a jailer to him, a sadistic being who wished to dominate his body and possess his strictly guarded soul. Soon, they were moving together, gaining speed and force with every motion, both males reduced to producing nothing more than raspy gasps and moans of enjoyment.

How can a defiant prisoner enjoy…You know what? FUCK IT. I stopped caring.

Dante shifted on the lounger and spread his legs even wider before arching his back to achieve even more pressure from Gunter’s thrusts, not really caring if the administrator was receiving any gratification, although Lord Maximus was extraordinarily pleased with the youth’s actions.

He grasped an understanding of the boy’s true intent when he caught him reaching between the lounger and himself, undoubtedly fondling his renewed erection. “Don’t touch it!” commanded Gunter harshly. “When I’m through, I want to suck you again.”

Awkward dirty talk is awkward.

“I can’t … I can’t wait!”

“You will wait, boy, or I will restrain you.” Lord Maximus growled hotly, punctuating his point by slamming into him with incredible strength to encourage his completion and the youth’s compliance.

“You’re a cruel fucker!” Dante growled, digging his heels into the floor and using his arms to support himself against the lounger, as the intensity of the man’s passions threatened to throw him off balance.

Snarling, the administrator slid his hands around Dante’s slender waist,

Sooooooooooooo, slim hips, muscled legs and torso and now a slender waist.  Yeeeeeeeeeaaaa…uh huh.

inching him backwards onto his driving hips, enjoying the sight of his thick organ conquering the smaller male.

The penis then planted the British flag on one of his fleshy globes, stating that the land was now claimed in the name of the Queen.

With each plunge, the youth cried out and writhed under him, while the heat around Gunter pulsed and tightened, ultimately clawing the light-haired man’s orgasm from his body. “Dante!” he roared

Just picture a dinosaur here.

sin triumph, spilling a profuse amount of his milky-white seed into the shuddering youth.

I’m out, guys.  I got nothing left to say.

It was only a brief moment which was frozen in time, before the motionless Lord Maximus heard Dante growl, apparently searching for release as he titrated his length against the satiny fabric of the lounger. Smirking at the youth’s efforts, Gunter slowly extracted his deflating length

Like a balloon.

to move the boy over onto his back again, ecstatic to see Dante’s maleness standing proud and needy.

Stealing a moment to watch him stretch out on the surface of the lounger, his sleek flanks

Flanks?  Seriously, if you’re going to be fixated on his ass, then at least call it something less derpy.

and tight belly appearing edibility

The word you’re looking for is ‘edible’

delicious, the predator

Was finally caught by Chris Hansen, last Tuesday.

groaned as he fell onto his knees, quickly engulfing him in his warm oral embrace and then sucking, smiling around the youth’s organ when Dante placed his hands firmly atop his head full of silver strands to orchestrate his movements.

Within a matter of mere moments, the youth was ejaculating a second helping of his hot essence

I need a beer.

into the back of his throat. Gunter eagerly accepted his gift

“Just what I always wanted!”

and when he was certain he siphoned him of every last drop, he released his member to trail a wet tongue up the underside of his softening length, across his taut tummy, over his heaving chest, past his Adam’s apple, and finally to his lips where he kissed him possessively. “Dante,” he whispered, curling his arms under the boy to hug him close. “I truly adore you.”

“I rape because I care!”

^*^*^*^*^*

In the small providence of Yorkshire, which was deeply nestled in a lushly green valley two days east of Warwick castle, a rosy-cheeked child with dark curls and a cherubic smile was engaged in fascinating play with a blue, black-wing tipped butterfly she had captured within her bonnet while her studious mother hung their laundered sheets out on the line to dry.

We’ve been over this.  Way too verbose.  Yadda yadda.  Damn it all, I’m just too tired for this shit.

“Mommy,” hollered the girl, as she watched the butterfly flutter helplessly in its clothed prison. “When’s Dante coming home? I miss him.” At the innocent words of the child, the woman paused in her work for a moment, and closed her eyes as she clutched at her heart in pain.

“Don’t worry honey, he’ll get back from delivering those good to Warwick castle soo-HNNNNNNNNNNNNG.”

“Mommy?” repeated the persistent girl, tugging on her mother’s apron. “Did you hear what I asked? When’s Dante gonna come home?”

Incapable of masking her grief, the woman started to tear up and sniffled as she slowly knelt in front of the inquisitive, confused child. Swiping a few strands of her long, dark hair behind her ear, she whispered, “I-I don’t know, sweetheart.

“He’s stuck in a really bad Yaoi fic.  He could be there a while.”

I suppose we’ll just have to wait and…”

“Why are you crying, Mommy?” The girl queried, wide eyes brimming with childhood innocence. “Are you sad?”

Quickly wiping her tears away with the cloth of her apron, the woman replied, “Yes, Mommy’s crying because she’s sad, Daniela. Mommy’s very sad.”

Daniela moved forward to embrace her mother and ask, “Are you sad because Dante hasn’t come home yet?”

“V-very much so, honey.”

“Poor Dante, stuck in a terrible fic by some crazy fangirl.  I told him to apply for a regular het, but nooooo, he just had to do things his way.”

“Don’t worry, Mommy. I’m sure he’ll be home soon,” assured the girl with childish confidence, completely incognizant of the agreement which transpired between her mother and Lord Maximus nearly a year ago. “He’ll be home soon and then we can play together again. Then you’ll be happy again, Mommy.”

“Yes, sweetpea, then mommy will be very happy.” The woman murmured, hugging her daughter closer. They exchanged a loving embrace for a long moment, before she finally released the girl, and Daniela realized for the first time that her bonnet had been trapped between them.

“Oh no!” she gasped, glancing up at her mother in fright and then slowly opening the cloth to reveal the crushed butterfly. “It’s, its dead. It’s my fault that the pretty butterfly died!” admitted the girl, starting to cry.

“No Daniela,” reassured her mother, reaching out for her daughter again. “It’s not your fault.”

“Y-yes it is!” The weeping Daniela blubbered. “It was free and I captured it to keep it in my bonnet, instead of letting it fly away!”

Agonized by her toddler’s words, the woman grasped onto her tightly, quietly sobbing not for the butterfly but for her betrayal to her only son.

We’re not stupid.  We get that you’re trying really hard to be deep.  Trust me, you’re not very good at metaphors as it is.

“I should’ve let it go, when I had the chance.”

——————————-

FINALLY, I finished.  Good God this was torture.  Anyway, I hope ya’ll enjoyed it.  If you have any other shitty fics you’d like me to pull apart, please to be sending them, k?

Disclaimer: I have nothing against any of the subject matter written about in the document as long as the author and readers recognize it as fantasy.  I myself, do not like underage B& and reap, but I understand that it’s a fetish for a lot of people.  I also recognize that these people are responsible enough to understand the difference between reality and fantasy.  I did this because it is a prime example of everything wrong with the fandom or, essentially, why most of us don’t get any respect.  I love Yaoi and gay interest as well as Yuri and Het, but anything halfway decent is pretty damn hard to find.

To the author of this fic:  Try not to get too butthurt.  You could think of this is a form of R&R, even if it is a bit…verbose :]

-Sniffits

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~ by sniffits on October 5, 2009.

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