Worries – I have them

Anyone familiar with gaming beyond ‘shovelware’ and ‘E’ ratings will recognize both the titles Bioshock and Silent Hill, and if you don’t, then you know even less about gaming than my mother (I will write something about her later). It was recently announced to the world (and every schmuck that waltzed into GameStop) that Bioshock 2 would be released soon. The masses rejoiced. Reviewers lactated happily as players fellated* themselves. “Ho shit, son! Rapture! We’re going back to rapture! And we’re playin’ as a big daddy this time!” they all shouted before dancing naked in the streets, screaming out ‘shoryuken!’ as many gamers are prone to do when good announcements are made. Coming from the gaming community, this doesn’t surprise me. Bioshock was a breath of fresh air, but, realistically, it shouldn’t have been. It should have been seen as the average payout of video games—a good game in the crop of other good games—not the Mona-fucking-Lisa.

*In short, they performed oral pleasures upon their erect, fleshy rods of manhood.

Am I saying Bioshock was bad, or average? No. I’m saying that the fact that so many people were shocked by it’s depth shows how shallow gaming really is but, before I piss fanboys off anymore, I think I should get to the real point of this here article-thingy.

BREASTS! Okay maybe not...

BREASTS! Okay maybe not...


My biggest reservation about Bioshock 2 is the fact that you do play as a big daddy. They keep reassuring me that it doesn’t make me over-powered (like how Peter Molyneux reassured me that Fable 2 would be everything Fable wasn’t) or that the gaming experience will still make me piss my pants (Apparently, the first one was supposed to be scary?) and that it will essentially be the same experience only with a new, deeply enriched story.

I are scary big daddy.  You will fear me.

I are scary big daddy. You will fear me.

I dunno. Forgive me feeling skeptical but lightning rarely strikes twice.

“But, Sniffits!” I can already hear you say. “What about supporting the game and judging for yourself?”

Relax, home-skillet. I’ve already pre-ordered it. You can unbunch your panties now. My point is that I’m afraid this new title will fall into the trap that sequels often do, especially when it concerns a franchise that essentially ended with the first game. Say what you will (as I often do) about how Bioshock was, basically, a poor man’s System Shock 2; the story was incredible and the atmosphere was top notch. Hands down, it’s the best console shooter I’ve ever played, and that’s why the sequel scares me. There was something about Jack that made him special, unlike all the other grizzled space marines I was used to playing. The characters endeared themselves to me and killing little sisters actually made me feel like a jerk. How in the hell do you reproduce all of that in a sequel? I do not envy the directors, especially since they weren’t involved in the original product.

Now, on to Silent Hill. The last Silent Hill game was Silent Hill: Homecoming or “Silent Hill 2 but with random shit taken from the movie and dumbed down a little bit”. Alex was James Sunderland ‘lite’ and the quest was about his brother not his wife.

My name is Alex Shepard and Im functionally retarded.

My name is Alex Shepard and I'm functionally retarded.

I have quite a few complaints I could laud at the game, along with some compliments, but that’s not why we’re here. We’re here for the new Silent Hill game!

Yes, the new guys (aka not ‘Team Silent’) are hard at work re-envisioning the first game. Now, I’m not against this principle (Just take a look at Battlestar Galactica)

Hell yea, Battlestar Galactica

Hell yea, Battlestar Galactica

but I fear that they may miss the point…yet again.

That was my biggest fault with SH5. It just felt like the writer really missed the whole entire point of what makes an SH game…well, and SH game. Hell, even SH4, arguably the worst of the originals still felt like it belonged. The next two feel a lot like benign tumors—unwanted, but not actually hurting anyone.

Anyway, my reservations? Pretty simple, actually. How will this game pan out on the Wii (All aboard the sell-out train, guys!), will Double Helix actually ‘get it’ this time, and will this re-envisioning be what it’s supposed to be, or completely off its rocker?

Hey guys!  Lets play SH2 and watch parts of the movie and then smash them both together! Well be rolling in cocaine by Tuesday!]

Hey guys! Let's play SH2 and watch parts of the movie and then smash them both together! We'll be rolling in cocaine by Tuesday!

I can’t believe I’m casting faith out there, but…yea, I am. I’m pretty prepared to be let down, but I’m also waiting to be wowed, too. I feel worse for the Bioshock team, though. They have much higher expectations to meet.

See you all in the fall.


~ by sniffits on June 20, 2009.

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