Okay, first off: where have I been? Busy. I was hit with a severe case of ‘I should actually do some real writing for a change’ followed by ‘Hey I never got around to watching those TV shows, I should do that’ followed still by ‘Oh, hey finals are coming up, I had better study’. I also compiled a rather intimidating list of things I need to write on and realized somewhere a while back that I needed to take a break from the internet as well as people who take it and their interactions on it way too seriously. You could say that I saw what I could become in a few others on the blogsphere and promptly ‘freaked the fuck out’.

Well, I’m no less busy today than I was yesterday, but I figure I may as well drop in every once in a while to post something. Today’s topic is something that’s been on my mind for years. It bothers me because both arguments on each side fail to realize a basic truth I learned while studying to be a better writer. There is a time and a place for everything and anything and, even the stupidest, lowly movie/book/anime, can set out to be the best at what it wants to be.

Today, I am going to talk about entertainment and the idea of pretentiousness. The word pretentious, is a lot like the word communist in that immediately stating it causes a reaction separate from the actual context of the word, that is the word itself has achieved a connotation as to separate it from any contextual meaning. Well, I suppose that’s not the fault of the word. Unlike the political philosophy of communism, pretentiousness is designed to imply this context. My problem is that it’s used as a slander.

Let’s break down the real problem here. Often, in higher circles of learning, a student comes across texts that are powerful, moving and are elevated above the written word and into an art form. There are also texts that are fundamentally flawed, and yet, saying such about a classic leads to accusations of stupidity. Basically, a student learns to accept that all literary canons are great, and everything else fails to measure up. There comes a separation from the common layman and higher learning. People who read Stephen King are suddenly beneath those who read Bill Shakespeare and an ‘us versus them’ mentality takes hold. The problem, aside from demeaning my favorite medium into a petty beauty pageant when every work should be judged on its own merits, is that it alienates and creates it’s own bitter factions when these things shouldn’t even exist.

I’m having a hard time thinking of how to explain this succinctly.

Take, for example, the recent film, Avatar (The James Cameron one). Anyone caught saying the story was less than excellent, or that the characters were a bit bland or that while Avatar was free to travel common roads, that it didn’t take any risks and played by the book so closely that anyone with moderate knowledge of film could call every twist a mile away, was immediately labeled as pretentious. “How come you critics can’t just enjoy something?” “Why do you have to demand perfection out of everything?” “I thought it was good and refreshing and you’re just some college educated, pretentious snot!”

Valid complaints? Yes. Incorrect? Absolutely.

Criticism is something I work day and night to defend from its detractors. Criticism is what teaches a creator to do better. It is what elevates something into the best that it can be.

Now, here comes the first argument that must be explained. “But, art is subjective.”

Wrong. If art were entirely subjective, there would be no sense of value or worth. Anything created would be art.

What is art? Art is anything that makes you feel, changes you, makes you think. Art causes the mind to ponder the human existence. A doodle on your napkin is, most likely, not going to do that.

We must accept that art is both subjective and objective. There are merits that we can attach to any art form. Every book must measure up to a certain point grammatically, and follow the rules of story telling. Where subjectivity comes in, is whether or not a reader ends up liking the book. Every work of art is judged the same way. This is why so many people are up in arms about Twilight. Objectively, it fails as a novel. The storytelling is poor, the grammar is horrid and the basic structure of composing a novel isn’t even present. People aren’t angry because it’s a story the don’t like (well, not most of them, anyway). They’re angry because a book that fails the basics of being a book is being heralded as the next great novel series.

Subjectivity is actually the easy part for most people. Most of us can let an argument go when someone says they ‘just don’t like’ something. Fine, don’t like it. You have your reasons. Different strokes, for different folks. Where the problems come in is objectivity. Even though a group of people, skilled and knowledgeable in their medium, arguably the greatest minds to represent said group can come together and create ‘ground rules’ for what, objectively, makes something good, there will always be detractors. This is where the term ‘pretentious’ comes into play.

The problem with using this word in this way is that it takes away the credibility of the arguer by stating that they are just some high and mighty jerk who doesn’t get it. It plays off of the idea of you versus THE MAN, making said critic the enemy when they shouldn’t be. This stretches beyond what one person thinks, and becomes a much bigger problem.

Pretentiousness can be debated. For example, my favorite author, Alan Moore, refused to call his comic books, graphic novels. He said that sounded too pretentious. He is completely entitled to his opinion as are comic book fans that use the term to separate one style of publishing from another (that is comic books are an going series, while graphic novels tend to be self contained). This simple statement, however, has ignited controversy in the comic book world, with factions of fans saying that calling any comic book a graphic novel is stupid and pretentious. Forum wars have been started over a word used by the industry, simply because the word ‘comic book’ had a negative connotation. While I admire the display of the power of words, it’s still a stupid thing to argue about.

There are pretentious things in this world. People who use large words in order to sound smarter. People who deliberately choose to read and like things that are respected and turn their noses up at everything else. People who spend their whole life in a bubble of canon, failing to realize that not everything we consider great, actually is. This is certainly pretentious. What isn’t is someone having a critical view of something and asking it to do better. In fact, we should demand this of all media. After all, every writing or art class is going to tell you that, and any artist or writer worth their snuff is going to agree.

“You can do better.”

It has nothing to do with enjoying something. I enjoyed Avatar just fine. I also enjoyed the Die Hard movies and I wouldn’t exactly call those ‘art’. My point is that I, and others like me, are not pretentious assholes for asking something to do better or to achieve more. Avatar was safe. It relied on tried and true (and done to freaking death for over a hundred years) story and character archetypes. It made no great challenge and it didn’t open philosophical discussion beyond what has already been discussed since the post colonial era of literature.

Like it or not, but those pretentious jerks are the reason a lot of things achieve high art. Getting mad at a show or movie or book that tries to be more than that is to deny the idea of the human existence. Saying that ‘Bioshock’ is pretentious for daring to use philosophical dilemmas like objectivism and a purely free market is to deny humans their right to grow more knowledgeable whilst simultaneously being entertained. Saying that anything laced with big words and difficult concepts is pretentious is to be so full of yourself that you feel you gain nothing by growing as a human being.

What’s pretentious is when these things are used for no other reason than to sound intelligent.

My point is, anything from a movie about the moral ambiguity of immigrants and weapons manufacturing, to transforming robots from an alien planet can be art in some way. Asking it to try is not a sin of any kind. Pretentiousness should be discouraged, but first, we need to relearn what that means.

I was about to put the finishing touches on an article about language and writing when I stumbled across a little gem I just have to show you all.  You see, I’ve been a bit busy as of late and have a few articles circulating (each of them close to being finished but not quite) and as such have not had the chance to really sit down and catch up on the news.

If you know nothing of right-wing, though he calls himself Libertarian, pundit Glenn Beck, then allow me to explain.  He is currently a very popular Fox News Host in the vein of Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly, the difference being that at least the latter two are honest with themselves on what they say.  Beck is more famous for selling lies in the form of pipe dreams.  He’ll talk in circles, making conspiracy theories and “asking the hard (read: nonsensical) questions”.  To give a hyperbolic example: Is Obama capable of eating through his ear?  He won’t tell us if he is or not.  I’m just asking questions here.  Why won’t Obama tell us about his ear eating habits?

I only know of Beck mostly through my mother who has recently become obsessed with him, insisting he is leading us to the future.  She seems unaware of his extreme love of Skousen, a man famous for being so extremist that even the Mormon Church distanced themselves from him.  As of late, Beck has taken to resurrecting Skousen’s interesting, and wholly inaccurate, retelling of America’s history in The 5,000 Year Leap.  Give it a read some time.  Really, it’s…unique.

Whilst browsing Youtube.com I came across this video wherein Beck criticizes artwork in Rockefeller center.  Watch the whole thing for the full effect.

Okay, for those of you not familiar with this guy, yes he does this every episode on his show.  Yes, lots of people, including my trusting mother, are suckered in by him and his completely unsubstantiated and often circular theories.  I’m not even sure how he linked that last bit with the statue and the UN.  My head is still spinning from it.  Also, if I may be completely immature for a moment, I laughed my ass off for the entire video.

Back in September, Beck organized something he called the ‘912’ rallies where he convinced other conservatives to take up arms in “getting America back to where it was post 9-11” i.e. with all of us united in a fight against global terrorism.

On a side note, I find the post 9-11 times to be frightening, filled with confusion as new laws stripped us of freedoms and imprisoned innocents, but hey, that’s just me.

For these ‘912 rallies’ a symbol was created to represent the fighting individual against big government.

How interesting that they chose to use a red fist.  True, yes, the raised fist is a symbol of the individual fighting against the oppressor, but its connotations are strongly leaning toward radical left groups such as the Russian citizens who fought to topple the Czar and the Black Panther party that raged a race war against the white elite.  Most recently, however, the specific red fist is a symbol associated with the Progressive Labor Party.

Hey, I’m not saying Beck is a secretly a communist.  I’m just asking reasonable questions.  I mean, if he would answer my phone calls, and come directly to my house and explain just how he’s not a Communist then, okay.  But, he hasn’t done that so it shouldn’t be unreasonable to think his is one right?  Right?

On a completely random note, I will forever associate the song Satan Gave me a Taco with this man.

R.I.P. Art Clokey (1921 – 2010)

So, before this starts sounding like some fakey-flakey bullshit, let’s get to the heart of the matter, shall we?

I wanted to share a little something personal, now that Christmas is over, and we’re entering a new year.  It’ll be a final toast to what I would consider less a year, and more a collection of highly interesting events.  It’ll also be a semi-rant on ungrateful brats.

Growing up was interesting for me.  My parents divorced when I was two.  My dad had a good job as a salesman.  He took me on skiing trips, bought me rollerblades, a bike with pompoms, doll houses, a bed with a princess veil over it and took me on trips all over the country.  My mom was left with nothing, could barely feed me and hardly bought me anything.  I remember days when she would make something for me and I’d ask her if she was going to eat.  She’d respond with “I already ate” or “I’m not hungry.”   Being young and naïve I, of course, bought it.

When I was seven my dad remarried a woman with a few kids and a lot of baggage.  Her last husband had been abusive in multiple ways to both her children and her.  I remember on his wedding day he pulled me aside and told me that they needed him more than I did.  Being young, I thought that was normal.

Basically, I developed a much closer relationship with my mother, though it wasn’t perfect and she was still bitter with me.  She accused me of looking like my dad, or of preferring him.  My dad accused me of acting like my mom.  I was a very confused and torn child who ended up just being stubborn and stomping my feet whenever they acted up.  Not to paint either of them in a bad light, of course.  I have my issues with them, but that’s not the point.

If I had to say anything negative it would be toward my dad.  He abandoned me.  He lost interest and essentially stopped being my father.  Funny how he acted surprised when I no longer wanted to live with him.  Christmas with him was empty, despite the great gifts I always got.  I got dolls, and doll houses and new bikes and skis and oh, lets’ not forget trips to Disneyland.  Oh, I enjoyed them and was grateful, but deep down they felt empty and impersonal.  My mom was so poor that she often could only afford one gift, but it was always a gift I treasured.  One year, she bought me a fish tank.  I maintained it for years, cleaning it and feeding my fish diligently.

I remember seeing a video a few years back that has essentially become an ‘old meme’ at this point.  It’s mostly known as n64 kid or kid freaks out over getting n64.  People tend to look favorably on this video because it reminds them of simpler times.  Some remember getting their SNES for the first time, or others, the NES.  I, myself, never hated the video, or loved it.  My experience with getting my first system was a bit different.

I never received gifts in big boxes, not even from my dad.  It was always this weird kid dream of mine.  Frankly, I wouldn’t care what was in the box, but the exhilaration of seeing a huge box under the tree and having no way of knowing what was in it was more than my young heart could take.  Then, one year, there was a big box under the tree at my mom’s house.  “How could this be?” I thought.  I didn’t get big gifts from her.  She couldn’t afford them.  As I tore the wrapping away I caught a glimpse of the logo.  An N64.  I cried, I screamed, I didn’t even think the damn thing was real.  I think I even asked her if it was just the box that she was reusing and if there was something different inside.  Hell, I even tried to pay her some of my allowance money because I felt the purchase was too big for her.

Lately, I’ve been hearing so much shit from ungrateful kids, whining on their myspace and their livejournal about how crappy their life is—how they pretend to have mental issues because it’s edgy and an excuse for their douchebag behavior.  I love it when I walk into the supermarket and see some middle class mother giving into her brat’s demands (It’s not a racial thing.  I’m white and I didn’t get away with that shit).  Kids these days demand the nicest cell phones and cars and video games.  I went to school with kids who drove Escalades and Mercedes and yelled at their parents over their brand new Razor cell phones.  I sit at my computer and shake my head, wishing these ungrateful little brats had to deal with at least one iota of difficulty in their lifetimes to appreciate all the nice things they get.

Lately, an influx of kid freaks out over xbox360 vids have been pouring in and once again, I don’t care…or at least I didn’t until I saw this one.

Damn it world.  Just when I start thinking there’s nothing good in you, you go and pull a stunt like that.  Way to go kid.  You deserve that system.

I kind of didn’t want to make this my first post back from my hiatus because…it’s just looks weird to me. OCD is such a strange mistress. “But!” I said to myself. “I haven’t posted in a while and that one article is taking longer than I thought, considering the research I have to do and all that. Oh, that and I’m being a lazy prick.” Being that I’m a bit of a Scrooge as I despise the holiday season and being that I’m sure I’ll come down with the seasonal flu in the next few days (Oh yea, wait until after Christmas to get sick. Way to screw up there, immune system.) I decided to just get this thing posted. I cut quite a few screencaps out as I felt it was getting ridiculously image heavy, but I think a fair warning and a nice cut will be good enough. Anyway, enjoy my summarizing of episode 2 of Code Geass.

ONE MORE THING, is it just me, or do a lot of girls watch this show for no other reason that “OMG LELOUCH”?

The White Knight Awakens

When we last left our hero he was knee deep in corpses. Let’s see how he’s faring now.

We're off to a good start

One of the nightmare frames wrecks the party.

Lelouch seems to be unphased at the giant robot freaking bursting through a wall in front of him

The nightmare threatens to kill Lelouch if he doesn’t comply and shoots around him as proof. Lelouch remains unphased.

He convinces the pilot to come check his ID and puts the Geass to good use by trying to get her number. Suddenly realizing he doesn’t like girls, he decides to take her mech instead.

k, here...please don't get dents in it.

Meanwhile, the creepy doctor decides to traumatize a soldier with the typical mad scientist greeting.

This is the face you see in your nightmares

The soon to be traumatized soldier is none other than the should-be-dead, Suzaku Kururugi, who’s seriously channeling some Goku up in this bitch.

How the fuck are you still alive?

Apparently a pistol at point blank range is no match for Japanese watches.

They should just make bullet proof vests out of these

Meanwhile, Lelouch is contemplating how he’ll get out of this mess, but decides that it wouldn’t be “Lelouch-y” enough without a forced metaphor/visual aide. Considering that mecha don’t come readily equipped with a full chess set, he conveniently finds one on the ground.

I spy, with my little eye...

A chess board with a complete set of pieces that somehow survived the explosions.

Meanwhile, the mecha battles continue as each side employs what I will dub “the stupidest weapon ever”. How the hell is something subject the sudden gusts of wind, perfect aiming and anything randomly jutting out on the battle field a good weapon?

Lelouch is continuing to be unphased by all of this

And here’s my favorite character, Mr. Expendable!

NO, MISTER EXPENDABLE! He was going to be a father!

So basically, Lelouch is giving the Japanese rebels orders and controlling the battlefield, using his logic and chess metaphors to save the day.

He manages to get the rebels to stop a train and hijack the cargo, i.e. fancy Brittanian robots, and the battlefield becomes a little more even. Every time Lelouch makes a successful move, he literally moves a piece on a chess board. No, I’m not joking. They must have fallen asleep during the ‘please don’t use heavy handed symbolism, it’s stupid’ part of their writing course.

Meanwhile, Lelouch’s brother Clovis (was his name Clovis? I can’t be assed to remember), who somehow manages to act and look gayer than Lelouch and Fai put together, is getting pissed at the fact that he’s about to lose everything to the rebels.

He tries to pull a dues ex machina, but is defeated by another dues ex machina from sir Lelouch.

Desperate, Clovis seeks advice from that creepy doctor.

JESUS CHRIST MAN, don’t sneak up on me like that!

Lelouch is still loving the shit out the destruction on the battlefield

You can't spell slaughter without laughter!

Clovis goes through with the doctor’s plan, which involves giving a SUPER SPESHUL mecha to Suzaku.

I'm swelling with confidence

Suzaku gives some fanservice for the ladies…

This is the yaoi version of the panty shot

Enter the DUN DUN DUN DUN….Lancelot. Yes, they named it Lancelot.

Be prepared to hear a lot about knights and round tables for the remainder of the series.

Suzaku admires his pretty mecha for a while, stopping just short of saying “ooooooooh” before hopping in and skating away as a camera pans in an upskirt move of the mecha. No I’m not kidding. There is an upskirt of a skating mecha in this show. He gets onto the battlefield and proceeds to kill fucking everything.

I almost made...

a falcon punch joke...

Did I mention he spinkicks IN THE MECHA? No? Well, he does, one handed.

"His readings are off the charts!"

"That's becuase he's a Mary Sue my dear!"

Eventually he has a confrontation with Lelouch who is confused as to how anyone could possibly challenge him. They fight again until Suzaku catches a woman falling and protects her, thus leading to Lelouch conceding the temporary victory and running off.
Lelouch decides to finish the episode off by revealing that he is Clovis’ brother and that HE IS PISSED.

what a tweest!

The episode ends before he can cause another ritual suicide.

—

Okay, impressions. Not getting much better, to be perfectly honest. Already there are plot devices and holes and places where the direction of the battle is just laughable. Now, before you get me by saying anything about giant mecha battles and realism, might I remind you that Code Geass wants, nay DEMANDS to be taken seriously, and thus I am judging it under that microscope. The show wants so hard to be deep and srs bznz and to change people man, which is why I’m being extra harsh. This episode kinda bored me as it kept changing perspectives so fast that I couldn’t get in to any one of the plot threads they were laying out. By the time I started to get invested…BAM camera change. On a positive note, some of the things Lelouch did battle wise were interesting to watch, even if they were a bit hard to believe, and Suzaku doing his damned spinkick in a mecha made me choke on my soda.

Still ranking the show as average, at the moment. Maybe subsequent episodes will change my mind.

One more thing, I’ve decided to judge this show purely on its own merits. I am not taking into account any possible controversy involving racism, blatant ignorance of history, etc. I am looking at it purely as an AU. If I wanted to label what I’m doing, I would call it an intrinsic analysis, though what I’m doing is hardly academic.

See you next time.

Yes, that’s right, a rant about moe. However, this is not a typical rant where I talk about how the art style is usually bad and the glorification of weak characters is annoying and the fact that it sexualizes stupid, underage girls is insulting, because these things have been ranted about already by far funnier and smarter people than me. Instead, I am going to discuss what I would consider the worst part of moe. But, before we begin, I would like to clarify my beliefs on the subject.

Moe, on its own, does not bother me. It has its uses as some characters are just naturally cute or weak. However, these are the things I hate about moe, that will not be discussed, at least not at length, in this article:

• The art style isn’t that great. It can be used well, but the eyes that take up half of the face annoy me.

• The shows that focus around moe tend to be vapid and boring.

• Moe is becoming so popular that shows that don’t focus on it are becoming harder to find.

• God damned pedophilia.

• Retarded, useless, stupid little girls should never be considered a good thing.

Now, to the meat of things.

The reason why I read, watch or enjoy anything is for the characters. Oh, there’s the occasional parody and comedy and of course the show that’s so bad it’s bad-entertaining but, to me, what makes a show, more than its plot, are its characters. In fact, I am of the firm belief that you can tell the same story over and over and, as long as the characters are new and interesting, people could enjoy it. I am also of the firm belief that the plot of something doesn’t necessarily need to be “deep” if its characters have enough depth to carry the story on strong shoulders. And, while I could write an article on that subject alone (I could probably write an article on pond scum if I set my mind to it…), that is not the topic of the day.

A product of moe. God damn it, Japan.

The reason why moe pisses me off the most, is its terrible treatment of characterization. Characterization is what makes a show. If you have a bunch of cardboard cutouts running around acting cute or angry or stupid for no good reason other than to act cute or angry or stupid…well, then you have a KyoAni show…but, more than that, you creating boring, tepid, unwatchable shit. As a wannabe writer, flat characters (outside of the very few exceptions) are insulting to me as even the most boring character can be good when written well. Moe strips its characters of all viable motivations, aspirations, dreams, wants and needs and simply turns them into dumb fanservice tools. Now, I don’t mind fanservice at all. Hey, I like Queen’s Blade. But, unlike blatant fanservice, people actually take moe seriously, enough to find the “characteristics” exhibited by its archetypes to be desirable (Yes, even tsundere, because she always ends up realizing that what she needs most is a man).

Now, I could suddenly turn into uber feminist and say that I find it insulting as a woman that moe characters rely on men for stability and always end up happily in the arms of a patriarcal society (Don’t cheer too hard, feminist blogsphere. All y’all are crazy in my book, too.), and how it’s wrong of that to be considered desirable by anyone, but I honestly don’t care. Let the otakus think that dumb, weak-willed, submissive girls are really where it’s at. What bothers me the most is, of course, the flat characters with zero motivations, other than to pander incessantly to a crowd used to gorging on the bloated cake of the moe factory.

Moe doesn’t just affect girl characters. Oh no. It’s infecting my yaoi.

You stay the fuck out of my gay porn, you moe bitch.

It’s also affecting supporting characters of the same shows. Take, for example, a dying moe girl. Let’s call her Trauma!moe. Trauma!moe is dying of some unspecified disease, and rather than develop a personality by interacting with those around her, coping with her disease, dealing with last minute things and inspiring the audience by not going quietly into that good night, she sits around a cries as the protagonist centers his entire character (dreams, aspirations, hopes, fears, needs and wants included) around Trauma!moe’s sad, sad life, for no other reason than to manipulate cheap tears out of an easily satisfied audience. Now the “Dreaded Tendrils of Moe” have infected another character that, might have otherwise, been interesting.

There’s something else that really gets my goat about moe, and that’s its wonderful treatment of naturally weak or innocent characters. Now, these people exist in real life. They walk about the streets every day. You want to know what else? Every human has a survival instinct, no matter how sheltered or weak they are. A person who does not fight tooth and nail for survival is not moe, they are suicidal. Even weak, innocent people care if they live or die. If someone were to corner a woman in an alley way, she would fight, maybe not physically, maybe not at that moment, but sometime, somewhere, she would fight.

Now, am I saying moe doesn’t have its place? Am saying it shouldn’t exist? Am I against pandering?

No. I have nothing against shit, as long as shit isn’t put on a pedestal. And that, right there, is the problem.

*sigh*

There’s nothing wrong with moe, except for the fact that it’s become a cancer that spreads and infects, taking over the anime industry and creating flat, uninteresting shows with flat, uninteresting characters, and going out to the masses that eat it up like free cake. And this stuff is selling. Big time.

Is anime dead?

No.

Can anime make a comeback?

Depends on your definition of the word “comeback”. Frankly, I think there’s always a pile of shit with a few gold nuggets. Deny it all you want, but there is no such thing as “a golden age” of anything. You just don’t remember all of the stupid crap because it wasn’t worth the space in your brain. That stuff is for Star Trek quotes and sports statistics, my friend. Moe will go, and it will be replaced by something else. Do I think it’s bloating the anime industry? Oh, hell yea. Is my ranting going to fix it?

No, but it does make me feel like a ganster.

What do you often hear when you think of an adapted movie?  The book was better.  Oh yes, and the book is almost always better.  Why this is, is nothing the film can stop.  The stories in novels are generally written that way because the author felt they could be told that way the best.  The same goes for graphic novels, musicals, plays and the like.  Each author felt that the medium they chose was the best for their work.  Changing mediums is always risky.

This article is not about me bitching that adaptations don’t do it right.  I know why film adaptations will always be different or, in the college student’s trump card-like excuse, I took a film and literature class.  These are the inexcusable changes to endings where it was actually detrimental to the film as a whole, at least in my opinion.  Get your geek goggles on, cuz it’s time for a list of five movies (in no particular order) that jacked it up.

Warning: CONTAINS SPOILERS

I Am Legend

The Book:

The story of I Am Legend is the story of scientist Robert Neville as he fights against zombie/vampires that are turned by a disease.  Heralded as a unique take on both fandom’s mythos and a dark look at humanity itself, the book is an excellent and quick read.  It has been adapted into three feature films, the most recent of which shares the same name.

The movie:

As far as movie adaptations goes, it’s pretty good for while, we slowly see a build up, development and plot threads laid throughout (a basic component of writing) leading up to the big reveal at the end.  At first, the monsters are viewed simply as that: terrifying monster that will murder and kill anything in their way.  As time goes by, we see they are actually clever creatures, capable of building traps, holding meetings and communicating.  They also seem to have a form of government with a clearly defined “leader”.  There’s also symbolism involving a butterfly laced throughout, linking Neville, his family and the vampires to each other.  Then the ending comes and…

Robert Neville blows everything up.

Why it was a stupid change:

Apparently, the studio didn’t like the original’s tone?  Test audience didn’t like it?  I’m not sure, but the reason it sucks is because it removes the entire point of the original story.  The point was that the vampires come and try to rescue a girl that Neville has taken and is experimenting on.  The big reveal here is that these are rational creatures on a rescue mission and that he is the monster from their legends.  A real “Oh Shit” moment to be sure.

We are supposed to sypathize with the creature

Instead, Neville tosses a grenade and dies as a martyr, essentially trashing every plot thread throughout the movie up to that point.  Hooray Hollywood.

Did they fix it?:  The original ending is on the DVD release.  Watch is as God intended.

Rambo

If you are a man you will read this book.

The Book:

The book Rambo is based off of, is called First Blood hence the subtitle of the original film.  In it, the character of Rambo is hitchhiking through a lonely Kentucky town, still wearing his Vietnam gear.  He is picked up and treated poorly by the sheriffs, shaved beaten and witness to abuse of others who are jailed there.  He escapes and hides in the mountains, killing anyone who comes after him in a manhunt, essentially reverting back into his soldier mode as he is pushed to the edge.  The book is powerful in its commentary on both the way soldiers returning from the war were treated and how the law often abuses its power, only because it presides over criminals.  John Rambo also dies.

This shouldn’t discourage you from reading the book.  Rambo is the shit.

The movie:

How could you abuse a face like that?

The movie sticks to its guns throughout just about everything, from conveying a strong sympathetic view of Rambo and a negative view of the sheriff’s department, right up to the climactic battles in the trees.  The only problem?  Rambo blows everything up at the end.

Why it was a stupid change:

Not so much a stupid change, I suppose, as it was a sleazy change.  After all, if Rambo dies, how would they make cash cow sequels?  I am of the opinion that if something is meant to be told in one go, then it should be.  It if is meant to have sequels then so be it.  I just hated seeing Rambo raped by Hollywood and Stallone for so long.

Though I woulnd't mind owning this figure

Did they fix it?:  As far as I understand, the uncut ending is on the DVD.

Blade Runner

The Book:

Blade Runner is based off of Phillip K. Dick’s Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Being a big fan of the man’s work, you know I am a sucker for good sci-fi and this book has it.  It’s all about an android bounty hunter named Rick Deckard (damn that is a cool name) who is charged with the task of “retiring” or shutting down six escaped Nexus-6 androids that are capable of showing human emotions.  As he tracks them down, Rick asks himself what qualifies being a human and if having emotions gives the androids the right to seek a quality of life.

The movie:

The movie originally kept the book’s ending, because Ridley Scott is awesome, where the android that Rick is illegally harboring, and falling in love with, will be put into the “sheepless sleep of death”.  Basically, it’s something of a bittersweet conclusion, like a lot of science fiction (think District 9).  The studio, deciding this was too bleak, changed the ending where it is revealed that she doesn’t have the program to self-terminate and they live happily ever after, thus crushing the entire reason anyone should read or watch the god damned thing.

Did they fix it?:  They released the original uncut ending, along with several other cuts of it on a super sexy box set, all for the low, low price of $78.99.

…Just read the damn book.

Smooth talk

I spy, with my little eye, a serial rapist

The book short story:

Smooth Talk is based off of the short story Where are you going, where have you been? by Joyce Carol Oats.  In it, a young girl named Connie is obsessed with acting like an adult and hanging out with the older kids and is subsequently stalked, raped and then killed.

The movie:

The same thing happens, with some embellishments and development to spread the story over two hours.  Then we get to the ending and Connie is just raped.  I know that sounds terrible, but the original impact of the story is that Connie is dead.  It makes the rereading chilling.  The first time you read it you don’t even notice the first line which states “Her name was Connie…”  By removing her death, the movie has something of a sweet conclusion where, in typical teen movie fashion, Connie is more grown up and accepting of her parents and sister.  Way to sugar coat rape, there, guys.

Rape is a great way to help young girls grow into womanhood and understand parental motivations.

Did they fix it?:  Nope.  The short story isn’t long.  Go read it.

Apocalypse Now

The book:

Apocalypse Now is based off of the incredibly famous Joseph Conrad novella Heart of Darkness, where a man named Marlow is sent up the Congo River to retrieve a rogue named Kurtz who has, essentially, stopped doing his job for an ivory transport company.  During his journey, Marlow encounters brutal slavery, cannibalism and the death of comrades.  Upon reaching Kurtz’s camp, Marlow realizes that the man has become a god of the people there, despite being close to death and gives Marlow the opportunity to take up the mantle.

The movie:

Instead of the Congo, the movie takes place in Vietnam as Willard is charged with the task of finding Kurtz and killing him.  During his journey upriver he comes across soldiers who have lost their minds and are shooting at nothing, innocent civilians gunned down during mass confusion, and a crazed leader who orders soldiers to surf in the middle of a battle.

You crazy man, you crazy!

This all leads to Willard finally finding Kurtz and getting the exact same offer.  In the original ending of the film, Willard agrees to it and takes up the mantle as king.

Did they fix it?:  Actually yes.  They scrapped the ending and instead have Willard killing Kurtz, Kurtz whispers the iconic line “the horror, the horror” and Willard leaves as The End by The Doors plays over the credits.  So I guess this is more of a movie that almost jacked up the last few minutes.

Just a quick, non image heavy post before I get back to the loads of work I have this weekend.

Recently, I’ve picked up on reading anime blogs (I’ve been reading those two a lot, lately) and have consistently noticed the desire to have, what I will call, ‘the park bench talk’. Basically, the idea is to have a deep discussion involving themes, characters and plot for anime, with someone on a so-called ‘park bench’. As I sat in In-n-Out (California residents will know what I mean), eating a tasty burger and discussing with my friend, James, why I felt that a good plot and characterization was far more important than ‘deep’ meanings and that Higurashi is good because it sticks the landing with the basics of such things, I suddenly felt very conscious of the gift I was enjoying.

It wasn’t until I started blogging that I realized how lonely a lot of anime fans are out there. I had always taken for granted these discussions that I had with him and figured that everyone had that one friend they could talk to about it. I mean, my roommate occasionally discussed anime with me on a deeper level. A few of my friends did too. But, James—he and I sought to reach a much heavier understanding through the story telling of these quirky little shows. Then again, this is also a guy who listens to soundtracks from video games and breaks down every component of the symphony with me. I guess I just got really lucky in finding him.

Just today, we were discussing how death scenes are often handled—the difference between shocking, sudden deaths (especially of important characters), and the somewhat drawn out deaths. I added that my favorite where the ones where the characters are quiet. I think there’s something serene in accepting death. He brought up something:

Him: There’s this one part—wait, how far are you in Gunslinger Girl?
Me: Not very far. Been a bit busy.
Him: Well, then I won’t spoil it for you.

It made me tingle with excitement and sadness at the same time. I wondered if I had really just been lucky in finding him, or if there are people out there willing to take anime seriously and on a discussion level and are not that uncommon, but are just very hard to find. I didn’t even know James liked anime until I saw Elfen Lied on his bookshelf, and this is after having known him for a month. Does that mean that we’re not as lonely as we think? Is the ‘park bench talk’ not that far from reality?

Who knows? But, staying quiet about it won’t get you answers.

A few other anime bloggers have been talking about their anime harems. Hell, the whole /a/ trend of claiming your waifu (wife) is growing out of control. Not content to settle with just one waifu, I have written down who would be in my haremu. This is a working list, subject to grow and gives an approximation for my tastes in men (and sometimes women).

Kurogane

C’mon, look at him! Look at how manly he is! Kurogane is a ninja from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle who was punished by his queen for being a ninja and doing his job. I don’t get it either. Apparently you’re supposed to let the attacking enemy go because we all follow Naruto ninja standards. He was cursed and sent away to learn respect for human life.

Truly a rarity for CLAMP, Kurogane is a man among men and has a strictly anti-pedophilic stance. He is a strong father figure and despite the constant advances of the token gay character, reacts more in annoyance than violence. The only downside? He is comically victimized by Mokona.

Mokona is not allowed in my haremu.

Guts

Do I even need to say it? Just looking at him makes me feel manly. He cut a man in half in the first volume of his manga! He was born spawned found (caused?) under a tree of corpses! Everything about him stinks of death and destruction and badassery! God damn, I just wet my panties.

It goes without saying that Guts is quite possibly the manliest man to ever be a man. Son, I am appoint.

Sebastian

Despite gay tendencies and something of a shota-complex, I love Sebastian. He is a demon that despises humans and begrudgingly serves one (unless that human orders him to slaughter people). An excellent cook, gentlemen, landscaper, etc, Sebastian can fit any role you need him to and can also slaughter an entire room of fully armed men using only butter knives.

ILU

Yuuko

Yuuko can come into my haremu as long as she leaves those stupid twins behind. Her boobs are amazing and she has some pretty cool adventures. We’d get drunk and travel across dimensions fighting ghosts and having lesbian sex. No Watanuki allowed. If I even think I hear your whining, I’ll kill you.

Gene

Gene Starwind, my original man-crush. Back when I was young I liked young animu boys, Syaoran being my first (I was ten, he was ten, things go as they may, you know?) But Gene was a real man, with a great sense of humor, a kick ass ship and manly scars. Gene introduced me to the world of manly men, and I haven’t turned back since.

Kamina

No further description needed. I just CAME.

Chun-Li

My Waifu and first lesbian crush. I would sell my soul just to have her kick my ass and then giggle about it. In fact, I would be satisfied to just watch her make out with Cammy.

- Finish commissions

- Finish Halloween stuff

- Figure this coding stuff out

After that, posting will be on it’s regular schedule.  I’ve got two things written to be posted once I get it all squared away.  Basically, short hiatus.